March break

I can't believe I did not post for V-day. shame on me :(
Soo, Spring break has just started ...and we got shitloads of hws!
...
Yesterday was Nuit Blanche and I went to Old Port with friends. Marshmallow is yummy haha
...
My emotions have been all messed up since a few weeks and I just can't focus on anything..
I always postpone my responsabilities because I'm afraid to face them.
'I'll move out when i get 18' ' Ill find a better job when I move out' 'Ill start taking care of myself when i get 18' ' Ill learn to manage my income when I get 18' 'I will start considering a serious relationship when i get 18' ...
Rly, what is being 18? Its just a symbolic number, which means NOTHING. Im turning 18 next month and I do not see myself turning all responsible in a snap. I can't do shit right now and it will stay the same on April 18th. Everything just keeps drowning me down when I try to figure out a way to take control of my own life. Its so depressing
Dreams are always wonderful but reality is another thing. Right now i feel weak, I dont have enough courage to fight for myself and my future.. I just keep runing and runing from the truth but I keep coming back to the same point. How do I move on?
I desperately need something to motivate me right now but I can't seem to find it..
Staying on pc all night, listening to music, thinking about useless things in life.. I can use some serious help right now..
...
I hope the next post will be something less depressing, I hope I will find my motivation in life until then

Weekend plans and a depressing story

Thanksgiving 4 days longweekend , yeryer!
Parents free, YERYER!
Shitloads of hws , yeryer - -..

[...]

So I read a story on internet and it got me depressed.. 'Cause its putting what I wanted to erase from my life into another story. Most of all, at the end of the story, the blogger mentionned that people who understood it are mostly married or above 35 years old.. how sad is that. So here's the story:

Once upon a time, a princess named Diana was in love with a prince. Their wedding day finally arrived and the princess was dressed in her prettiest gown. In order to get to the prince's castle, she needed to cross a river. Diana didn't want to ruin her gown so she sat there hoping for her prince to come. Hours passed by and a donkey came by. He was the uggliest thing the princess has ever seen.
The donkey said :" hello there my lady, I can help you cross this river, just hop on my back".
To which Diana replied, no thank you. You are not tall enough and I don't want to wet my gown.
Donkey:" why don't you trust me? i promise i won't ruin your gown"
Diana refused. So the two of them just sat there. The donkey was waiting for the princess to change her mind and the princess was waiting for her prince to arrive.
The sky turned dark and the prince still hasn't come.
So the donkey said:" what if he never comes? Let me get you to the other side, I promise not to ruin your gown. But if I get you there and your gown is still as pretty, you have to take me home". Diana was tired of waiting so she agreed.
Before she hops on, the donkey told her that he can only support that much weight so if she drops tears, he won't be able to support the heaviness. The princess said that if he ruins her gown, she will leave him.
The donkey walked slowly but surely and her gown didnt touch the water. They talked a lot and the princess just knew that she's the fifteenth girl he takes on his back to cross the river. Except the first one, the rest all had their gowns ruined.
He walked safely and Diana stopped worrying about her gown.
Donkey:" are you happy right now?"
Diana:" Yes I am"
Donkey:" Is it because of your gown or me?"
Diana hesitated. The donkey said that either way, he just wants to keep her on his back. Diana fell asleep and dreamed about donkey transforming into a prince after she kissed him. When woke up, she kissed the donkey on his cheek but nothing happened. Donkey is donkey and prince is prince. Her prince is the one waiting for her on the other side of the river, and not this donkey.
She was lost in her mind and got overwhelmed. So much that a tear dropped out of her eye. The donkey suddenly crashed down and dropped her in the water. They didn't say anything and Diana walked the rest of the way by herself. The donkey didn't even try to make her stay and walked back, to wait for the next princess that won't cry on his back and take him home.
The princess arrived at the castle but the prince wasn't there. She sat on the ground, she was cold and sick. A little rabbit passed by and the princess took it into her arms and said:" all i need now is a hug to warm me up". She saw the donkey on the other side and cried.

[...]

There are two phrases to complete this story :
- On your first true love, you loved this person. If they deceived you, you will only love yourself when you get into another relationship
- The word love as a noun does not go with an 's'. The word lover, does.

So did you understand the meaning of the story? Did you figure out what donkey, princess, prince and rabbit represent? And the symbolism behind every element?

The old one is no more

Its raining out side and I'm loving the weather. Its soo soothing.

Tomorrow is my first day of training. & I have a high chance of getting this job.
School in 10 days.. and I'm going to work my ass off until christmas
The old yz and the old times no longer exist. The new her will place her dreams and family over all priorities and will work hard for what she wants. Getting this job will be the first step to this and getting better grades for cegep will be the second. She used to expect alot from other people and just wait here for miracles to happen. She used to give up so easily without even trying. Because she knows there will always be someone to help her out. Now shes learning to be on her own. She will never give up and hope faith and life dont give up on her either.

Superwoman

I looked for the sun, but its raining today
Putting on my superman disguise, so I have a reason to fly
Putting on my superman disguise, 'cause i'm afraid to get hurt
People don't see anything but the big 'S' on my chest
So they take my happiness and strength for granted
None of them know that it stands for Sorry
Sorry about the pain I made you feel

Life can be real cold and meaningless
Sometimes I just want to let it out, let it all out
Cry like a baby and tear my disguise down
But they say that superman don't cry
'Cause they don't have time to shed a tear
They have missions to accomplish
Many people out there screaming his name
He will always be number one

I want to fly away like he does
I guess it'll always remain a dream

People come, people go
Shit happens and life goes on
Losing people who mean so much to you, is so hard
Especially when u know for sure that they are gone forever
Gone to heaven..
Death took them away

They were once so strong
I always thought they could go through no matter what
But they proved me wrong
Think back , all the memories bring tears to my eyes
But I held them back
I flew away , in my dreams
Because I'm a superwoman and I won't cry
With a big 'S' on my chest
This time, it stands for Strong.



- yz 09/07/10

a U turn

Sometimes things just change like that.
My mind, i mean.
I don't think its worth it anymore.
Everything turns out to be a part of yesterday
But you are not strong enough to commit to tomorrow, neither am I
You can't even handle the present
Can't handle yourself and can't handle me at my worst
Thats a good reason i guess..

Happiness

It doesn't come around often.
But when i'm with you, it does.
I'm such a happy girl right now.
Honestly, I can't ask for more and I don't have to wait for more
I got what I've always wanted.
Having a reason to smile is a beautiful thing
I don't happen to be this happy everyday
But when I am, I only share it with you because you are the reason of my happiness.
Everyone can stare into my eyes but none will see the same thing as you do
& you said it .. "everything happens for a reason"

With Love, YZ

Perfect

Falling a thousand feet per second
You still take me by surprise
I just know we can’t be over I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lye
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong

I’m not perfect but I keep trying ‘cause that’s what I said I would do from the start
I am not alive if I’m lonely
So please don’t leave

When you’re caught in a lie
And you got nothing to hid
eWhen you’ve got nowhere to run
And got nothing inside
It tears right through me
You thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew

I’m not perfect but I keep trying..

Perfect - Hedley

Cause they love bitches

Why do men take nice girls for granted?
'Cause they love bitches

Why do men love bitches?
'Cause they can stand up for themselves.

Why do men love bitches who stand up for themselves?
'Cause its less of a burden for them


- quoted from the book Why Do Men Love Bitches?

* I find this very true. Note that, bitches here stand for strong women

no name

和你在一起的每一天變成了一種習慣, 想你的每分每秒也變成了一種習慣.
他們說, 你做某些事情有時候並不是出於喜歡,而是漸漸成為了習慣.
可能在一起真的變成了一種機械的過程
但是當你拉住我的手,看著我的時候, 為什麼一切都變得那麼真實
但是當你緊緊抱住我,不肯放開的時候, 為什麼可以聽到你眼淚滴在我肩膀上的聲音
為什麼每一個我愛你都那麼讓我心痛
為什麼每一個我想你都那麼的誠懇

[...]

這是我以前每天都問自己的問題
現在不問了 因為我懂了
一切的一切都充足的証明著愛情的存在
能夠互相陪伴著面對這殘酷的世界
真的..就足夠了..

可能會說我很傻，相信愛情這種東西
實我並不相信愛情，相信的是我們
真心愛過一次，真心痛過一次，就學會了珍惜
可是天真也漸漸的被時間沖淡..

可能不能陪伴你一輩子
沒有我的日子你要好好的
但是我發誓，直到這一天的來臨，我會一直陪著你
這條路，真的好漫長
其實終點不重要，到哪裡也不重要
隻要有你，每一站都是幸福的.

Yz 8/04/10

Reply

Recently, i've received some emails by people who read my blogs and three quater of them come up with a similar question - " how do you deal with problems in your life and stay so positive?"
And i decided to do a reply to this question.

So first of all, I am not well positionned to make a point on this because most of the time I don't know what to do with my problems. And of course, everybody's different so everyone has different issues. One thing for sure, I am very very optimist as a person.
When facing a problem, some people decide to rip their heads off trying to figure their way out. Some people put all blames on other people and take revenge. Some people leave it there and just move on. But let's face it, what happened happened and whatever you do isn't going to change a thing. Its just all about making yourself feel guilty, feel less guilty or trying to hide it. Since nothing is going to change it, might as well take it easy. Lay down, and think about it. What you did wrong, what other people did wrong, what caused all this, is there a way to solve things peacefully, what will be the consequence, what's best for you? And by the time you got all these figured out, your head will be half cleared up. Then what you have to tell yourself is that, life is hard and other issues will eventually come up later in your life. If everytime it comes and smash you down to the ground and you dont get up, well you'll be lying on the floor for the rest of your life. How about you tough it up and get through this with confidence? Smile to yourself and remind yourself of all the opportunities you have in your life that someone else in this world would crave for.

And listen to songs like I'm Yours by Jason Mraz, it helps trust me.

With Love, YZ

Just another day

Everything is going to be fine
Lay your head on my shoulder and everything is going to be fine
Everything is going to be fine
Drop your tears on my chest and everything is going to be fine
Everything is going to be fine
Hold my hands firmly and everything is going to be .. just fine

The bluest skies can turn grey
But skies will eventually clear out and clouds will disappear
Because we know that skies are blue

The shiniest stars can be hidden by darkness
But darkness will eventually fade away and stars will shine once more
Because we know that they will always be up in the sky

I can be your star , I can be the blue of your sky
I will spread my love in the air so when you feel insecure, just breathe

I will always be here, right here for you.

Yz 27/03/10

You..

Only you can make me smile like that
Only you can light up my day
Only you can give me that goosebumps
Only you can give me butterflies in my stomach
Only you can make my heart race like that
I know it, you know it.
Nothing matters right now
It's all I have ever wanted
Yes, it could be better
But I guess I've learned to look beyond the imperfections
Thanks for being here with me. I'd be lost without you.
♥

Dizzy.

真的愛了才會痛
還相愛著才會不舍
還在乎對方才會放棄自己
失去某些事情后才知道自己曾經擁有過什麽
但是一旦你失去了它 就再也回不來了
爱是我永远都学不会的字

时间似雪 有时候会覆盖一切
但是当雪融化了以后, 还会有花开吗?

What in the world is love?

Is it that hard for a guy to realize that he is treating his girlfriend like shit.
But when she complains, all he can say is " grow up fuck "

What did I do to deserve this?

People always tell me to not get into a relationship expecting the person to change. What happens when you suddenly noticed , during the relationship, that this person has to change or else it isn't going to work out? Is waiting for miracle, a stupid thing?
All the tears, all the struggles, is it worth it?

[...]

You may say that I'm such a dumbass but I believe in us and besides, which couple doesn't fight?
I guess I'll just have to wait


.. more

Out of my mind, beyond my capacity.

big mess in my mind right now.

I don't want you to see me as a freak but i'm being a little insecure.
Feeling like I can no longer express my feelings without being judged. I rly couldn't care less about what other people think , but you.. I care about you.
I don't know.. I've always wanted you to be there for me, to support me. But everything just took a big U turn and started to deviate.
Feels like you've expected too much from the people around you and the higher you climb, the harder you fall.
Feels like I have been too naive, feels like I've been tricked. Feels like I imagined all the magic by myself and the reality was not even close.
Feels so silly , so stupid.
I have always been optimist and I actually believe that it's one of my biggest weak spot. I know that i'm going to be the one who will get crushed at the end but I keep faith in , not just anything , in love.
I don't want to make the same mistake twice. And the whole thing is following the wrong path; Taking the same steps.
I really feel like I've changed myself and forced myself so hard for nothing. Feels like i'm the only one sacrificing here and you just want to be free. And whenever you need me back, I just must be there.. Stop making me feel like a trash.
I really don't want you to let us down so easily.
I don't want to regret , I don't want to make another mistake.
And then you ask me, why don't you go find another guy who won't make you cry?
I've answered this a billion times, and now again: Cause I want nobody but you. And I expect you to do something instead of letting us go.
I don't konw if you realized but this is a serious relationship, nothing like what you've had in the past and nothing like what i've had either. So obviously, it won't be as easy. You have to sacrifice.

[...]
And then you ask me what are my tears for..

Hey It's JB (8)

My friends say I'm a fool to think
that you're the one for me
I guess I'm just a sucker for love
'Cuz honestly the truth is that
you know I'm never leavin'
'Cuz you're my angel sent from above
People try to tell me
but I still refuse to listen
'Cuz they don't get to spend time with you
A minute with you is worth more than
a thousand days without your love,
oh your love
Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me Love me, Love me Say that you love me Fool me, Fool me Oh how you do me Kiss me, Kiss me Say that you miss me Tell me what I wanna hear Tell me you love me

I wish i could..But i can't.

Tons of stuffs happened within this week.. I have so much things going on in my head and it's kinda overwhelming.. It involved some tears , insomnolence and hollowness.. I kinda disapointed some people in many ways and i got disapointed by some people too. I really wish i could just leave this world for a few months, think about all the stuffs that happened again and again , alone, without anyone disturbing me. I didn't want to cry.. cause I've always pretended to be a tough person. But I got carried away, couldn't help myself.. Got used to sleeping in late and waking up early with my swollen eyes..
Getting better now. I'll write asap.
With Love, YZ