Out of my mind, beyond my capacity.

big mess in my mind right now.

I don't want you to see me as a freak but i'm being a little insecure.
Feeling like I can no longer express my feelings without being judged. I rly couldn't care less about what other people think , but you.. I care about you.
I don't know.. I've always wanted you to be there for me, to support me. But everything just took a big U turn and started to deviate.
Feels like you've expected too much from the people around you and the higher you climb, the harder you fall.
Feels like I have been too naive, feels like I've been tricked. Feels like I imagined all the magic by myself and the reality was not even close.
Feels so silly , so stupid.
I have always been optimist and I actually believe that it's one of my biggest weak spot. I know that i'm going to be the one who will get crushed at the end but I keep faith in , not just anything , in love.
I don't want to make the same mistake twice. And the whole thing is following the wrong path; Taking the same steps.
I really feel like I've changed myself and forced myself so hard for nothing. Feels like i'm the only one sacrificing here and you just want to be free. And whenever you need me back, I just must be there.. Stop making me feel like a trash.
I really don't want you to let us down so easily.
I don't want to regret , I don't want to make another mistake.
And then you ask me, why don't you go find another guy who won't make you cry?
I've answered this a billion times, and now again: Cause I want nobody but you. And I expect you to do something instead of letting us go.
I don't konw if you realized but this is a serious relationship, nothing like what you've had in the past and nothing like what i've had either. So obviously, it won't be as easy. You have to sacrifice.

[...]
And then you ask me what are my tears for..