March break

I can't believe I did not post for V-day. shame on me :(
Soo, Spring break has just started ...and we got shitloads of hws!
...
Yesterday was Nuit Blanche and I went to Old Port with friends. Marshmallow is yummy haha
...
My emotions have been all messed up since a few weeks and I just can't focus on anything..
I always postpone my responsabilities because I'm afraid to face them.
'I'll move out when i get 18' ' Ill find a better job when I move out' 'Ill start taking care of myself when i get 18' ' Ill learn to manage my income when I get 18' 'I will start considering a serious relationship when i get 18' ...
Rly, what is being 18? Its just a symbolic number, which means NOTHING. Im turning 18 next month and I do not see myself turning all responsible in a snap. I can't do shit right now and it will stay the same on April 18th. Everything just keeps drowning me down when I try to figure out a way to take control of my own life. Its so depressing
Dreams are always wonderful but reality is another thing. Right now i feel weak, I dont have enough courage to fight for myself and my future.. I just keep runing and runing from the truth but I keep coming back to the same point. How do I move on?
I desperately need something to motivate me right now but I can't seem to find it..
Staying on pc all night, listening to music, thinking about useless things in life.. I can use some serious help right now..
...
I hope the next post will be something less depressing, I hope I will find my motivation in life until then

Happy Chinese New Year!

Its february 2nd and its the all mighty Chinese Lunar New Year :)
This is supposed to be a cheerful occasion, it has always been one in my memories.
But this year its kind of different.
As a kid, I used to go back to China every New Year to celebrate with family.
Hot pot, fire crackers, fireworks, dumplings, red everywhere, smile on everyones face... I miss them so much, it warms me up just to think about it.
Family is where I belong.

We stoped going back to China every New Year since 2000 and its been 11 years now.
Since 11 years, I've always celebrated this occasion at school or on the phone with my grandparents. It feels like something is missing..

Last year, my grandfather passed away the day before New Year. I didnt get a chance to tell him happy new year and how much I miss him & love him.
Yesterday I was on the phone with my family and just hearing my grandparents voice makes my heart aches so bad. I dont know if thats the last new year wish I will be sending them, I dont know if I will be able to see them again.. They were crying on the phone and they told me that since 11 years, new year has never been complete without my parents and me.
I really miss them so much..I miss my Home..

@ 12 am midnight, I looked outside my window. Everything was cold, calm and distanced. I was supposed to feel all warm and cheerful...

Now this is a very depressing Chinese New Year :(
And I know many people share my feelings right now.

So I wish you all a very happy chinese new year! ( This year is rabbits year btw! )